My Ramblings

I Fell in Love With a Boy 

I fell in love with a boy
But you are a boy no more
A man I don't know took his place
Yet my heart longs for the one
That's gone not whose there now
So what do I tell my heart
When it can't find what it wants
Lost in the land of forgotten things
You left my heart shattered in pieces
And ran away with the glue to fix it
Our love lost and forgotten
Replaced with hate and regret
The man I see before me is not he
Who can be what my heart wants

Strangers to each other
And worlds apart
Stuck in yesterday
Where dreams were made
But never came true
No longer who we use to be
Separated by the time and space
Changed by circumstances
Decisions that can't be undone

So we go on pretending
Our two worlds don't belong together
The edges of both barely touching
By what we made in love
Two lives that lost one parent
And searches desperately
For the other to no end
If only you would let our worlds Collide once again
If just to make them whole
Though ours may never mend
Theirs can be put together if you let
Pride and shame keep you away
You pretend the man you've become
Was not once the boy that loved

A woman and a man now a shell of who They were as a boy and girl carefree In love determined to show the world
They could make it despite the odds That were stacked against them
But their world slowly tore apart  Every block carefully put in place Came tumbling down in a crash of Pain and chaos left in ruins
Never to be rebuilt
Now an ancient memory
Slowly fading away
In to the darkness forever lost

One boy and one girl hidden deep Inside the shells we have become
Love just a fairy tale never real
Only in the pages of our minds
Where I now live captured by the past
A hope just out of my grasp
A world where everything
Turns out right as it should be
Happily ever after to every story

A princess with her prince
A knight in shining armor
Rescuing her from any hurt
That tries to plague her
Real love that never ends
No evil and no trouble could undo
What they built together
Their hearts forever entwined


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Light and Darkness

       Ok so (yes,I say that alot) I'm being brave and putting my writing out for ya'll to see.Keep in my mind I'm amateur there are probably grammatical errors,sorry.This is in a way a story that few will understand it's true meaning,but interpret it the way you would like,it can mean may things or just sound like ramblings(which I do alot) to you. No when it started,it had no intentions to go this long,I was just getting something out of my,It was just ONE question and then it turned into this,so Voila!



          The creator made the light and created special habitations to live there with Him. The creator felt like he needed something else. He created a different light with a different kind of inhabitants. But the darkness was not yet there. Soon, jealousy of those who went about walking in the new light the maker created to live in the special place, sparked a flicker of darkness. Darkness grew in the heart of one of the inhabitants living within the creator’s realm and it began to spread to others. When the creator saw this He decided the darkness could not live in the light. Thrown into exiled, to the very place he despised, believing these new inhabitants were so under him. I mean he was the highest ranking inhabitant, right under the creator. How could the Creator spend so much time and wasted energy on them? So he went about the newly created light and did everything to destroy the light and its inhabitants.


Why would anyone willingly walk into the darkness when they were already in the light? Well you were walking the between the two for a long time, sometimes when you fell you fell in the light, others times you fell into the darkness. But it was not total darkness it was still close to the light that you could still see it and pull yourself back into the light. But this is different, this time knowing, willingly choosing to walk into the darkness, keeping your back to the light as you walked deeper and deeper into the darkness that encompassed you and no light was seen.
This is what you wanted, the light did not live up to your expectation so you totally rejected it and abandon it. But if you would have stayed in the light and walked deeper instead taking a 180 toward darkness, you would have seen that being totally consumed by the light was all you ever needed. The light would surround you in peace, love, worthiness, truth, beauty, comfort; feeling all things good. You would never want to leave because you would realized the light is where you belonged, it’s the final destination. You were on a journey to choose between the light and darkness. But you must go all in to be complete it. You let the darkness fill you and the feelings you would feel in light dissipated. Then while you were seeming happy because you had all you wanted, you did not see the one that you trusted your soul to reach behind you sticking knife in your back with deceit and lies and betrayal. That’s because really all he can give you is destruction, hate, envy, jealous, pride, lust, lies, and all things evil. He is the father of lies the one who seeks to kill steal and destroy. He enticed you with temporary versions of things that are truly from the light that are twisted to have just enough appeal to make you think you are not surrounded by evil. He is jealous of the light and tries to mimic its goodness, but since no good can come from evil his gifts are just temporary resemble what is in the light.
 He waits till you fall into the darkness weak and wounded, not giving you time to even see the light wanted you back, you weren't too far in that the light could not to reach you. He’s a coward, preying on the wounded.  He pulled you in with all his evilness getting you at your weakest. He knew he could lose his chance to have your soul if he didn't go after you then. He appeared close to the light, he even seemed to have some light so he threw your dreams and desires before you promising to fulfill them if you followed him into the darkness; too hurt and weak from all your falls you thought you had no reason to reject him. But later after you were living it up in your desires and dreams, things of the dark start to seep in unknowing to distinguish the littlest spark of light you still carried with in your heart. By the time you figured out all gifts come with a price and that price was more terrifying than you could image. It’s too late to see you were always just a play toy that he deceived you from the beginning, but you did not recognize the betrayal until it was too late to ever change your mind and run back to the light. You signed yourself over so now you are his servant doing as he pleases and trapping you in a forever life, filled with pain and suffering more prominent than you thought could ever exist, never seeing the light or anyone in it forever, forever..infinity..eternally..irrevocable
       Simultaneously a sweet precious beautiful little girl was in the light, she wasn't given the choice to decide which side to be on. The creator took her back realizing she was so pure hearted that she would never know anything of the darkness, where the parents she never met were, separated from their daughter. Oblivious to her parents’ happenings, the little girl reveled in the light becoming so much like it, she stayed deep into its habitation close to the creator. But before her parents were lost to the darkness, not ever seeing or not knowing her, He gave her mother and grandmother a gift; to walk beside the precious girl in a special place. But the grandmother had her visit first than her mother had hers six months later, but everything was identical in both visits. In their short visit, they met her and talked to her and gave her many kisses and hugs as they stood on a beach. They also saw the creator because He was holding her hand and walking on a beach with her, but the creator did not show all of himself or all of his light. He was saving that for those who chose willingly to forever live with him in the light because if He reveal all His glory we would not be able to stand it.
When I had younger, I was not living totally in the light I was curious about the dark so I   walked the line in between, studying what I could see of the darkness.. After someone came and told me all about the light and how the creator was waiting on the other side of the light in an even bright light and wanted me to go live with him, he also told me if I walked deeper in the light that the damage done to my soul from walking the line and sometime falling and into the darkness, could be repaired like it never happened. I ran deeper into the light. I tried to take you and your brother with me but you didn't believe your would find wholeness in the light so you walked the line until you decided the darkness held you wholeness.

While you were still walking the line, I made it to the edge of the light and felt the presences of the creator, it was like nothing I ever experienced before pure light, peace, love, happiness encompassed me in a cocoon as the creator talked to me and told me about staying in the light but getting others to come off the line into the light. I so wished I could have stayed there but he promised soon all in the light will be with him in the new place he was preparing for us. There were times when I felt like I had failed Him miserably because I could not get anyone, especially you off the ledge and walk deeper into the light. My voice was weak I knew I should have asked the creator to restore it. I was too ashamed on my failings to call on Him. I didn't want to take my eyes off you. I didn't want to stop yelling to you about how the light was so much better and it was where you truly wanted to live, but it just seemed to make you lean more towards the darkness. So I gave up trying to convince you. I helplessly watched you fall toward to the darkness. I knew if I just went to the creator and asked him to restore my voice and my peace and my hope for you he would. I heard him calling to me, telling me that he had a way to get you to believe in the light if I would just have faith and trust Him. However, my fear of losing you to the darkness was so great that I would not relent. I was convinced I would succeed even when you fell into the darkness and was curiously exploring its edges wondering if it would be better if you went in all the way into the darkness. The ruler of the darkness whispered to you from the other side of the darkness enticing you and he sent others to tell you, you would feel free, he would take away the hurt and pain, and have all your dreams and desires like them. Slowly you walk towards the darkness dragging your daughter’s father with you, well it was less dragging and more like leading the willing. All of sudden you were left at the beginning of the darkness to make your choice with just a couple others left, telling you to come while you were still full of all the hurt and pain and scars you picked up all throughout your life stir in your heart begging to be released. But you weren't sure your\ wanted to stay until the rule of all that is evil enticed you into the darkness.

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